Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
