so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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