Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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