i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize