You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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