If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
