the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
