I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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