awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
