Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize