dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
