fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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