There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
