You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
