Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
