you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's shark week go big or go home
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
