Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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