Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
This baby is an asshole
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
