fuck your aforementioned shoe
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
