There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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