Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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