i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
