I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
