Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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