look no pants
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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