Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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