my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
