I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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