your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
