im drinking this country out of the recession.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
