hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
