i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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