Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
