the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
