she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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