if you like me you must not know who I am
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
