why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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