OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
