ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
