That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
