If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
