So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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