i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
