dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
