why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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