Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think i have herpe
just one?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Randomize
