his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
