Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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