my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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