I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's always time for handjobs
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
