I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
