You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dude. I can hear the air.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
