I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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