my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
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