Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
