you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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