I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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