Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
