I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
pray to the hookup gods
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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