I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
