3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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