Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
