Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
